It's All About Noticing
by Neiti Louhi
Summary: Stan sits in his room after a sort of fight with Kyle and contemplates his situation. Onesided StanKyle and another surprising pairing. :D


_Hey there. :D _

_I've written this little fic for the "First" contest on LiveJournal. It was kind of late at night and I had to hurry up to finish it so I'm sorry if this seems kind of forced. I hope it doesn't._

_I want to thank Omusubi for betaing. You did a great job. :D_

_This is the first South Park fic I post on FFN so please be kind and review!_

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**It's All About Noticing**

It wasn't that I had never cried before.

On the contrary, when I had been a little child, a kindergärtner, I had cried very often. Looking back I'd say it seemed as though I had cried all the time, really. And what stupid reasons I had had! It hadn't mattered if someone had stolen my hat or had eaten the last cookie left in the jar or my sister had beaten me up or just called me a name, I would promptly begin whining and sobbing and wouldn't calm down until someone had comforted me like you comfort a little cry-baby, and everything had been right again. Back then I had cried about anything and nothing at all. But time changes, and in the process of growing up I hadn't wasted any thoughts on it, and gradually it had stopped. Like the song said, "boys don't cry". Not that I had had any reason to do so.

But now I sat here, curled up, clutching my knees, and sobbing like there was no tomorrow. The worst thing was, that the reason for it all was so very ridiculous. It was normal to ask a best friend his opinion about girls, right? So then why was I sitting here? I knew why, for the most part, and hoped that I was the only one who did. I wasn't that concerned with anybody finding out, keeping up the façade wasn't that difficult. I almost chuckled at the thought, like there'd be any façade to keep up. That made it sound like I was anorexic or suicidal or something.

It could all be so much worse. In fact my problems weren't real problems at all. I should just stop being such a pussy! But I couldn't stop, the tears seemed to fall on their own, as though I had no control over them. Perhaps I should forget what happened or simply ignore it.

Fairly determined, I began staring out the window, watching the snow flakes fall. I hadn't fully realized that I had run all the way home, I couldn't even remember running. I knew we had talked and then I had shouted something and... well, now I sat on my bed, rather confused. It was almost like I had had a blackout. I had always thought I'd be aware of my feelings, I had thought it was only a tiny crush that would disappear quickly and easily. No such luck.

Sighing heavily I tried to focus on the view outside the window. It wasn't extraordinary, only snow and the town I knew since before I even had a concept of what home was. The houses I knew, the familiar people of South Park.

Suddenly I saw someone approaching my house I really didn't want to see right now. Maybe I should pretend I'm not at home and not open the door. My parents weren't here and my sister literally never opened the door, never! Perhaps Kyle'd go away if nobody let him in.

I hurried away from the window, if he saw me sitting here my plan would be worthless. So I sat down on the floor, leaning against the bed post, listening for the door bell. It seemed like the silence lasted hours, but finally I heard a ring at the door. It rung again when nobody opened and again after another short silence.

I felt bad. Bad that I had freaked out earlier, and bad that I didn't open the door to let my best friend in. Maybe he was concerned, and now because I had no idea what to say, he had to leave without getting to know how I was. But honestly, I didn't want to be seen crying. I didn't think he remembered what a sniveler I had been in kindergarten, and refreshing his memory absolutely wasn't what I wanted to do!

I thought about calling him later when I had calmed down, then I heard the door open.

Ugh, fuck, I forgot that he knew where the spare key was hidden. Okay, stop weeping, calm down, prepare to have a conversation.

At least I had stopped sobbing at this point, even if there were still traces of tears, I was positive I could hide them.

Straining my ears, I tried to listen for something that would give me an idea of how much time I had left to think of... well, just something appropriate to say. I heard footsteps on the stairs, which meant that I had to think of something very fast.

I was still contemplating what to tell Kyle, when the door to my room opened.

He stood in front of me and I sat there while awkward silence built between us. I had no idea what to say and anyway, he was the one that followed me, so he should be the one to make the first move. Another minute passed and then finally he spoke up.

"Dude... what's wrong? I mean, you were so pissed off about what I said earlier and, er..."

Lacking any kind of answer, I shook my head and averted my gaze.

"You stormed off so pissed and..." He paused, and then continued, "I want to apologize if I... Stan, are you crying?"

He looked so shocked that it was almost funny, I couldn't do anything but smile.

"Sort of."

He shifted uncomfortably and then bent down to hug me.

"I'm sorry, you know? And I really don't know what to say. It's all my fault that you're this miserable, I shouldn't have had this conversation about... You know, and now... Now I don't even know how to comfort you, 'cause I've never really seen you like this before and... Sometimes best friends don't know what to say and how to act, it's just human and, um..." Kyle seemed kind of stuck in his monologue.

I hesitated, but then said, slightly flustered, "It's okay." 'Cause I thought it was. It seemed like Kyle understood, after all, he was one of the smartest kids in South Park. He wasn't just some dumbass, he knew how to interpret the signs that were right in his face! And obviously he didn't have any problem with... Me! I felt so relieved knowing he wouldn't be ignoring me from now on.

"It's okay." I repeated.

Kyle pulled away to look me in the eye.

"No, it isn't. I shouldn't have asked you all this shit about Wendy. I can still remember how much you loved her when we were younger, and how totally down you were when she broke up with you. I was heartless to even consider going out with Wendy..."

His rambling went on, but I didn't listen anymore. I was totally speechless. How could he be so oblivious to this situation? I didn't give a crap about Wendy, but sometimes people just don't want to see reality.

"Kyle, hey, Kyle!" I interrupted him.

"Huh?"

"Dude, it's okay, I got over her..."

"But Stan, what about your feelings and..."

"I totally got over Wendy!"

"Really?" He blinked, quite perplexed.

"Yeah, really!" He couldn't still not know what was going on!

A smile spread across his face.

"That's really cool of you! Thanks, Stan."

I tried to grin back, but failed miserably. "No problem."

Kyle stood up, still a little unsure of what to do.

"Well, I'll get going then?"

"Go on..." I said and faked another smile.

"Bye then!" he said cheerfully – it seemed like he had completely forgotten that I had been crying a few minutes ago – and headed for the door. I considered telling him about "my little crush". If I really wanted to, now was the right moment to do it. Kyle was clever enough to figure it out one day anyway, so why not get it over with it now?

"Kyle!" I called after him. Half way down the stairs he stopped dead in his tracks and turned around.

"Something wrong?"

I looked at his stupid grin, wondering how anybody could be so... oblivious!

"Nevermind. Bye"

"Yeah, see ya!"

And with that he rushed out of the house. I guess that was the first time I realized that he wasn't the smartest kid of all of the time.

- The End -

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_Hey, still there? Yeah? Great! And now just go and review. Even if it's something just like "Great job!" or "What the fuck was this shit about!" I'm still happy about reviews. Okay, not so much about the last one 'cause it's like flaming and I hate flames. But constructive critism is always appreciated!_

_Bye FrozenCellophane aka urania-chan_


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